Those nasty bain maries have been warming the food all day. I must be stupid, drugged or drunk (or a combination of all three) to order from any. But at 2am in Crown Casino there are few choices.
This is the worst sweet and sour pork I have ever eaten. This picture flatters the dish. The pork is dry and chewing clogging not only my arteries but also my cavities.
Where else could I go out, trawl a classic car auction, the city’s pubs and bars, eat, catch two taxis yet come back with a profit.
Welcome to Melbourne, the city of dreams. And nightmares
And cleavage (although this picture is posed, it is an embarrassing product of my inept food photography)
I am blessed with the knack of playing roulette. The odds may not be the best in the joint but my brain is hardwired to hedge across the table and in over a decade of occasional spins I am up more than a little ahead.
RB and I begin the evening ritual at The Dogs Bar. On to The Espy, the iconic pub overlooking the bay, bathed by the setting sun and vibrating with vibe and sound of heavy rock.
Down to where Acland meets Fitzroy St. Mink in the basement of The Prince complex calls.
Food facist
1. At all cost avoid the late night food in Crown Casino. Visit the kebab house instead.
2. Avoid the vodka & tonic at the casino; it has all the refinement of wood alcohol.
3. If you must gamble decide how much you are prepare to lose and spend no more.
4. Despite the appearance of patterns in the numbers, on each spin there is a equal chance of any number coming up.
5. Place no more than four bets and spread odds: On the nose; two numbers, four and one of the lower odd options.
6. Every time you win put the chips in your pocket and forget about them
7. When all the chips on the table are gone cash in the ones in your pocket and eat some vile late night meal.
8. Don’t blame me if you lose everything.
9. If you are an afficiando of tat, Star City in Sydney is by far the most tacky.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
The photo of the sweet and sour looks like a CSI. Was there a crime? Yes, two counts. Murder of the pork and the attempted murder of the diner.
I recommend “Souvlaki King” on Brunswick St for late night munchies after a good night out, if you find yourself famished after midnight on this side of the river. Am a fan of their veggie version, but the carnivores rave about the meatier ones. Clean, fast, tasty and locally owned.
Wow dangerous stuff. Don’t know which is luckier – the fact that you won on roulette or the fact you survived that pork.
Chilli Padi at Melbourne Central stays open late (up to 5am I believe!).
Tanked up, I’ll tell you the real crime. I collected a couple of hundred ATM receipts especially the ones screwed up into balls. Inevitably there were many “insufficient funds”. BTW I’m still flossing the rmainsof the pork out. Ewww!
Ange, thanks for the tip. I always go to the one on Chapel St whihc is sort of on the way home. for the life of me I can’t remember the name of it in the cold light of day.
Oh my, that picture of the sweet and sour pork is giving me flashbacks to my college days. Mmmm pile-a-plate shopping centre Chinese.
That sauce looks the colour of something that should be shipped out as nuclear waste. I wonder if you turned the lights out whether it would glow? And you’re dead right about Star City. I tried to count the number of different colours in the carpet, walls and lights once and passed out in the attempt. Although, re your ‘free drinks’ post, I have found SC gives you more change back than the amount you give them when paying for a drink. Far more effective than gambling, if not worse for the liver.
Vic, I’ll try Chilli Padi. Is the food worth it?
M, I still do enjoy flouro S&S pork on ocassion, usually from South Melbourne Market. I’ve been trying to pantone match the bright sauce in the foreground. It’s probably Pantone 1655C. You could mix it with 88% magenta and 100% yellow but it loses its luminous/radioactive quality. Coming to think of it I probably need the Flouro Pantone guide to get an acurate match. Anyone out there with one who can help?
DrReb, Star City may be the place to drop acid with all the colours and fish and fake rock. Or maybe not.
On a seperate note I have been lucky enough to be refused entry to Star City and physically removed although not before we won loads of money and retired to that excellent all night pub (full of Irish backpackers) on the corner nearby.
Ugh Star City. Tack-o-rama. I think the casino buffet makes me sick just by thinking about it.
Late night meals are kebabs all the way. Fully.
Kebabs seem to be the winner here. I’ll see what I can rustle up at the w/end.