Carry on Gordon Ramsay

On the bombshell that the Herald Sun is dropping the Gordon Ramsay cookery column on Tuesdays, the craggy-faced man arrives in town and we are invited to see him pre Tracey Grimshaw.

I reckon he’s wearing heel lifts in his trainers and looking a bit taller than when he was last in town, has a better hairdresser and highlights and has had a bollock-load of botox.

He forehead is more wrinkled than my scrotum and frozen solid. I didn’t see it move either in the exclusive LG enclosure or on stage.

The thing about Ramsay is that despite Channel 9 overcooking him three nights a week, he’s bloody funny in that cheeky naughty “sorry vicar” English Carry On movie way.

For the media he’d been prepped with what was basically a statement (see video) about the poor state of his company’s health, a clever move. Almost as clever as not answering questions, just circulating around the room and having his picture taken with a mainly female crew of journalists.

On stage he is a better stand-up comedian than either Steve Coogan or Dylan Moran. Coogan just isn’t made for the stage; Moran has sunk into child-bearing smugness, vomit.

Gordon tells the audience about his new show “Gordon Ramsay’s bedroom nightmares”. He jokes that his son should eat his carrots so his knob will grow big. And his daughters are told to eat their spuds so their tits would grow. Oh, and then he talks about the dog getting it’s lipstick out…I won’t say anymore as social workers could be reading. But I did get in trouble when I tried the same gags on some friends kids over the weekend.

And he can cook, and cook well and engage the audience.

The big surprise was that the audience was a bit less than half full for his opening gig. The crowd sort of roared. As far as I can tell nobody wet themselves and all knickers were kept strictly in their correct place. Later that evening I heard via twitter, they were giving away tickets.

Last time Ramsay was in town he did a secret gig at his mate Michael Lambie’s pub Lamaro’s. He was a lot of fun and I’m told when he arrived back at the Como hotel a gaggle of girls was waiting in reception.

This time I didn’t get a chance to ask cheeky questions. I didn’t get a chance to ask him about this hairdresser, the gay rumours or the rumoured Brazilian Transvestite deal with the News or the World.

But I had a lot of fun, more fun than Gordon will be having now his wife Tana has him on a tight leash.

Coming soon: Gary and George on video hint that Masterchef goes abroad to cook with truffles.

Tagged as: Gordon Ramsay