I forgot I was meant to die. But at least I unwittingly ate my last meal at The Grand Hotel

Vincisgrassi makes every other lasagne seems brutal. The Grand Hotel, 333 Burnley Street, Richmond +61 3 9429 2530

Hopeless. There I was talking about how this Vincisgrassi could be my last meal in September but I got the date wrong. I should have died at the same age as my father on the 5th August 2009, at least I always assumed I would follow in his footsteps.

It is a huge disappointment to still be alive. I’ve failed in every respect to replicate my father’s life. I don’t live in the pseudo countryside, drive a sedan or have two children. I’m not the managing director of a company and, unlike him, it seems I’ll never have the chance to die in a meeting of a trade association in Birmingham.

There are other practical matters too. I have little superannuation to speak of and I’m in exactly the wrong career at the wrong time, journalism.

And that is why I was ready to welcome death, albeit cocking-up my final moment.

But at least there was the Vincisgrassi ($18.50/25.50), a delicate, creamy variation of lasagne with a story behind it, created for Alfred I, Prince of Windisch-Grätz (remember The Austrians ruled Italy) which is where the name is derived.

Others say that Vincisgrassi is rich. I think not, at least it isn’t as brash and overbearing as many lasganes made with heaps of prime pork and/or beef mince, too much tomato sauce and a heavy bechamel. This one is made in very much the same way as many but with delicate tomato and bechamel sauces and the added secret – and I mean secret as it isn’t mentioned on the menu – brains and sweetbreads.

Thirteen unlucky days into not dieing and I’m still savouring the fond memories of this dish, the hotel dining room with its dark balloon back chairs and stiff white tablecloths.

Calabrian sausage.

All the food is good value and excellent here. I was on globe artichokes with broadbeans, wolfed up home made Calabrian sausage ($16.50) served with with grilled smoked scamorza and bruschetta.

Enough to duck you up.

Duck ($33.50) as a main is a moist half bird with crisp skin with braised cabbage, spatzle and orange and juniper berry sauce. It’s as most of us remember and want duck rather than fancy pink cylinders of pink meat cooked sous vide.

If I hadn’t chosen the Vincisgrassi, I’d have gone for the Bread Maltagliati Pasta ($22.50) with prawns, fennel, saffron, tomato and white wine as it is rare to see this pasta around town.

What I would like to see is an ice cream exorcist, I mean someone who will remove some ice cream from the dessert menu. It is albeit impossible to avoid apart from a Tiramisu ($12.50). We have a choice Affogato (with ice cream), Affogato with Liquor (and ice cream), Tartufo (Chocolate and hazelnut ice-cream dessert), Lemon Crepes (with house made vanilla bean ice cream) and Italian Doughnuts- filled with pistachio ice cream.

Maybe if I had died at lunch, they could have kept my body fresh by storing it in ice cream.

Coming soon: 101 things not to eat before you die.

Tagged as: Burnley St, Grand Hotel, Richmond, The Grand, Vincisgrassi