Matt Preston licks plate. Photo stolen with full disregard for copyright and fair use from the Masterchef website.
It’s pretty impressive how Matt Preston the chummy and ever so slightly chubby Melbourne food writer grew into the huge Masterchef’s Matt Preston and brand. And just grew. And grew. And grew to the point that Woman’s Day is running a splash on him with no information whatsoever about concerns over his health after eating 97 portions of osso bucco risotto.
A big man and I were guessing the other day how much he must weight – possibly 150kg, even 180kg perhaps. That’s a lot of weight making him about two to three times the size of a plump girl*. That’s like Gary plus George and something else large and heavy, like my head.
Let me make this clear. Matt is a really nice bloke. I like him and nobody can fail to. Pompousness aside. But I’m writing this as a favour to him. And you.
There’s a massive queue for Matt Preston’s endorsement from his “cravatalicious” Handee Ultra paper towels to Richard-Dawkins -knows what else. What Matt may not know is that he is being groomed to be the next face for Type II Diabetes. I kid you not.
It creeps up on you whether you are moderately plump to the morbidly obese. And among the food writing and blogging community I think we know where we all stand on this scale.
All food writers have the problem of staying slim. From jogging to cycling and swimming some try and do something about it. Others just give up and seemingly eat and drink more. Greedy bastards.
Dawkins-knows how a writer such as Gourmet Traveller’s Pat Nourse stays so svelte given his food reviewing duties. Perhaps it’s because of good genes, youth, self-control or, as last time I saw him, a girlfriend to exercise him. Or a tumble dryer load of all of the above.
I try and walk a lot. I ride a bike to meetings when the weather permits. And have a girlfriend who helps. Plus there’s plenty of opportunity for masturbation both metaphorically and physically. I also eat plenty of fruit and veg, small amounts of protein, lots of nuts. And aside from the odd Twix, only eat apples and nuts and drink water between meals.
My main vice is alcohol, despite which I’ve lost maybe 6 kilos this year down to 102.7kg before and, ahem, 101.1kg after. I’d like to drop another 5 or 10 but know there is no hope whatsoever of regaining my six-pack of youth. (Note to self: stop getting so pissed).
There’s something else you can do when faced with a ten-course degustation: just eat half of what is on your plate. In fact do that every time you eat out and there is a good chance you will avoid becoming a fat bastard.
Diabetes has been on my mind since January 2009 when my mum suffered a stroke caused by her Type II and her dotty alterative methods of handling it instead of taking her proper medication.
In her early thirties my mum had a waist that a young Elizabeth Taylor would have been proud of. In her forties she started to spread out. By her fifties, a widow, she had cankles and had trouble lumbering up hills.
Then in her seventies, one afternoon she nodded off reading a book. When she awoke she was confused. She didn’t recognize my stepfather. She forgot what words were used to refer to different objects.
She recovered but not fully, from a once brilliant natural Elizabeth David bred cook to microwaving ready meals in the oven. Or just putting a bowl of rice and water in the oven to make risotto. It’s very sad.
Nowadays, depending on her medication she’s pretty good but can be up and down. But she has a very high risk of another stroke.
If anything good came out of this it is that she stopped boring me about what she’d just watched on Jamie Oliver (she lives in the UK) the night before.
This is what happens with Type II Diabetes. Like I said, it creeps up on you. Even if you are fat now and lose weight the damage is done, a bit like cigarettes do to your lungs.
Type II diabetes is a modern disease caused by being too greedy and fat. It eats away insidiously at your cardio vascular system. That’s your arteries, veins and capillaries.
One day you’ll cut your finger in the kitchen and it won’t heal. No, it’s not infected. This is what Type II Diabetes does; it makes wounds slow to heal. Before long you’ll have carbuncles on your body.
Then you’ll be wanting to shag your beautiful girlfriend or wife and your cock will be limp. Zilch. Nothing there. Even, Madame Lash, a blowjob or a threesome with the neighbour’s labradoodle won’t do it for you.
Then your kidneys will become a bit dodgy. If that happens every bit of protein you consume contributes to their demise. That means you will be rationed pork. And duck. Any meat.
And extremities will turn black, just like in the anti-smoking ads.If they don’t drop off they’ll need to be chopped off. Only last night my mum was complaining that her leg was dodgy -apparently she lost the use of it for a while after her first stroke (although I can’t always be sure what she tells me nowadays in reliable).
And finally, those bits of your cardiovascular system that we see in the smoking ads will start breaking off and coursing around your body. Stroke.
If Matt Preston has any sense he will turn this endorsement opportunity down. Or try lap band surgery.
But as Jedro74 said in response to my tweets on this subject:
“a slim Matt Preston wouldn’t be right, like a slim Mikey Robbins isn’t. Then again, the latter was never right.”
*Term and conditions apply. Depends on height, size of frame and muscle mass.
Note: I’m not sponsored by Diabetes Australia but if you think you are at risk check out their site. Or go see a doctor and have a blood test. I’ve been meaning to but I’m a bit scared to be honest.
Become a Facebook fan. Follow me on Twitter.
{ 3 trackbacks }
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh Ed… 50>60kgs a plump girl?? You sound like my Mum!!
Mumbles, better plump than the body of an 11 year old boy.
I quite like the slimmed down Mikey Robbins – I think he looks healthier, rosier and happier.
Good article, a bit scary, but yeah..
I’m not sure I can stop eating halfway through a dish, let alone ten of them!!
Nice work Ed. My family has a strong history of diabetes. For all of us food obsessed people it’s important to keep an eye on these things.
OK, so 150-180kg is quite unarguably overweight, while 50-60kg is “plump”. Ed, just how much should people weigh, in your highly informed opinion? For a woman of normal height and exercise levels to maintain 50kg, there’s not going to be anything even approaching half a degustatiion being consumed…
Generally speaking, the public needs better education on the health risks of being overweight. Public figures like Matt Preston are definitely in a position to raise awareness of these issues, but whether or not they choose to is really up to them.
I’m not really up to speed on Masterchef and was just wondering, how did you come by the information that he’s had 97 serves of osso bucco, or will that be in the appropriate women’s mag spread?
I think it’s also important to point out that one can be plump *and* healthy, just as others can be skinny and unhealthy.
A 50 – 60 girl kg plump? Seriously? If you really wrote this as “a favour” to us, surely your ascerbic wit could find something better to say.
h&b, maybe I’m too familiar with Mikey Robbins now but he seemed funnier when fatter.
Steph, I tried eating half dishes for a while. He’s great to fuck with the minds of chefs.
Thanks, Reem. I think that’s why I ended up writing this. I’ve been putting off my own testas apparently I’m high risk and getting to “that age”.
Blue Penguin, I’ve no idea nor do I suggest how much people weigh. All I say is that if people are overweight they are high risk.
Gem, it could have been 11 serves
Jo, I didn’t say that. A girl at 60kg I’m sure can equally be svelte or plump and there’s nothing wrong with being plump. I am, my girlfriend would admit she is a bit.
great post! I am getting a little bigger every year and I can’t that to happen. I have started to increase my gym sessions but my eating sprees have increased. And like you, I have started tasting and not eating. hope this will help stablise my weight and especially my well being.
Great, thought-provoking article from out of left-field, Ed! I think Masterchef has done a lot of good things for the broader community, mostly themed around education, but this is one place they really do fall down. I love watching Gary and George’s cooking but it’s sometimes difficult to remember that the stick of butter, slosh of olive oil school of cooking is only good for you in moderation – and anyone eating these meals twice a day (like poor Matt) faces an extreme battle not to have love handles which have their own love handles, so to speak.
So what does a food reviewer do when they realise their lifestyle (job) is killing them, anyway? From what I remember of Jay Rayner’s book there isn’t really a clearcut option other than to find a new job, and I’m sure there are a variety of reasons for that one not to work..
Okay, I’m changes that to two or three plump girls and added terms and conditions as I’m not trying to offend.
Penny, good luck. It’s difficult faced with duck or pork isn’t it?
Anneliese, I think I remember from Jay’s book there’s not much you can do. The thing is fat, protein etc are all the things our bodies need. It’s just how much it needs. Butter and olive oil aren’t the problem it is how much we eat and I know I have this problem on cold winter nights. It’s eating a little less of everything and doing a little bit more excercise.
Hiya Ed-
Nice to see you are as invincible (NOT) as all of us, it catches up on everybody in the long run, no one is ver immune as I’ve learned!
I liked your tone in this post and I felt a real wave of understanding here.
Matt’s a big bloke-we all know, some of us (me included) need to change our habits or suffer the consequnces and possibly inflict a terrible legacy on the loved ones in our lives.
Why the reluctance to do so? What for?
Saving face? Because we are hedonistic food profesionals?
I think its OK to say you love your grub & Bev without ’suffering’ heath issues for the cause.
I’m sorry about your Mum-I lost mine last year to the big C.
It puts things into sharp perspective.
i wonder if MasterChef will ever promote healthy eating. all i see is plenty of MasterClass cooking with heaps of butter and sugar. very scary!
Minor point of order; Type II diabetes is not ‘a modern disease caused by being too… …fat.’
Type II diabetes along with stroke and heart disease are all potential end points for Metabolic Syndrome. Metabolic syndrome is a cluster of commonly seen symptoms and conditions that like have the same underlying causes, central or core obesity is one of the symptoms.
The primary dietary cause of metabolic syndrome, and hence type II diabetes, is likely to be chronic, life time over consumption of simple, refined carbohydrates. Want to lose some weight and reduce your type II diabetes risk? Then tomorrow cut out anything made from refined white flour including white bread and pasta, stop eating milled white rice, cut out all refined sugar and cut out anything containing high fructose corn syrup.
There is a straight line correlation between the rise in consumption of these food stuffs and the prevalence of type II diabetes.
“Type II diabetes is a modern disease caused by being too greedy and fat.”?
Tell that to the millions who inherit genetically, regardless of their eating and exercise habits.
This is an embarassing excuse for a piece of writing, and a sad attempt to make a grab for a little MasterChef-driven popularity.
Props on a great article!
While genetics is certainly a risk factor for Type II Diabetes, it is without question a lifestyle disease. One we have control over developing, if we can control ourselves
For me, the risks of having to completely give up wine & fabulous foods if I were to develop the disease is a motivation to leave some of my meal on the plate, or fit that extra exercise session in.
Those choices are reliant on being informed though, and unfortunately many aren’t. Talking about such issues in this manner is a great start to changing that!
This is certainly food for thought (HA! See what I did there?) I used to eat and drink whatever I wanted with little regard for my health, and it showed on my unforgiving 157cm frame. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been exercising my arse off, literally, I’ve given up booze and I’m eating a diet considerably lower in restaurant-prepared-meals. Granted, the bracing country air and dearth of fine dining and good takeaway options in northern NSW makes this programme very easy to adhere to. I’ve done alright, but I’m still about 25% of my body weight away from being slim. So I’m preparing to take the next step and tackle my last remaining vice: GLUTTONY. Yes, like many other people who live to eat and write about it, I am a glutton. I believe portion size is the key, and we in the prosperous West are pretty good at stuffing out faces just because we can, and it’s delicious. And if that doesn’t work, I might try liposuction.
Since we’re calling a spade a spade here, you have to admit this is a bit holier-than-thou, however I commend you on your personal vigilance and for raising this issue. If you ever call me someone’s ‘chubby girlfriend’ on your blog though, you’ll probably get a slap, and not the good kind
Oh Edward, do try and keep up!
I raised this issue (and some others) in a column under the headline “Check Up or Out” over a year ago!
See: http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/restaurants-and-bars/check-up-or-out-20100217-o9v5.html
Still it’s certainly an important subject and it’s nice to see you raising the dangers of a food writer’s profession. I’d advise everyone to have regular check-up. So don’t just write about it – go, have the tests in the next week and then tell us all how you go!
Also do yourself a favour leave out the “plump girl” and “chubby girlfriend” cracks in your future posts. You, my friend, run the risk of becoming “the face of misogny” if you don’t – and that an equally unpleasant endorsement to pick up.
Good information, if just a teensy bit alarmist in delivery!
Weight related diseases are certainly an occupational hazard for food writers.
Portion control and exercise is really the only way to address it.
Bit of a bummer really – I hate exercise.
I have to admit that the desire to fit into my jeans is what motivates me to get my arse to the gym at 6am, but the reduced risk of diseases such as this are a pretty good side effect of this activity. I don’t think I have to worry about my Mum having increased risk as she’s fairly active and eats well, but I wish she’d do more weight-bearing exercise. I guess bone density is a topic for another day though
Yeah… Ed, keep those ‘plump girlfriend’ cracks to yourself. I agree that T2D is an important issue, hell, my PhD is on obesity, but your tone here is glib and at times frankly offensive.
Really nice Ed…These informations had helped me a lot..may I know what is the ratio of height to weight to have a good health.
Season 1 Matt Preston was a nice (if not chubby) fella.
Season 2 Matt Preston is overweight, over exposed media wise and I’m kinda over him.
Sorry, if I’ve offended
Props to Matt Preston. If you can’t talk about the health issue without making it a body image issue, then you’re not mature enough to be talking about it at all. It’s not enough that women (and men) are bombarded with media messages holding them to impossibly high standards of body shape and weight, but now the obesity/type 2 diabetes issue has just given pundits a cover from which to make fat jokes. No-one who is overweight is not worried about it. Standing up on a soapbox to tell them off for it is not helpful. It’s sanctimonious and self-congratulatory and irritating- regardless of how serious an issue it no doubt is.
Thanks for the comments everyone – pro and against my delivery.
Matt – if it isn’t an imposter – and Jessie. I’m not quite sure how using words like chubby or plump make someone a hater of women. It’s more worrying in that it makes me something like the new Benny Hill. That really is a worry so i shall stop right now.
Interesting post. This is an issue I’ve had to deal with having worked in food all of my life, blogging etc…I decided to lose some weight and since January this year have lost 37kg. Still trying to lose a little more but also keep it off.
Its not easy but anyone can do it so long as they have a plan. There are lots of programmes out there. I commend you for this post and wish anyone out there trying to lose weight the best of luck in their endeavours.
Great Post! The best thing about it is that it has prompted over 35 responses so well done. Keep up the good blogging.
New blog post Matt Preston to be the face of Type II diabetes?: Matt Preston licks plate. Photo stolen with full d… http://bit.ly/bH04K4
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
@tomatom You just scared the hell out of me – and you are so on the money. http://bit.ly/apOB6Y
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Amazing piece RT @tomatom New blog post Matt Preston to be the face of Type II diabetes?: http://bit.ly/bH04K4
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
@tomatom Hey Ed,read your post. http://tinyurl.com/22nh6gw Appreciate the message and your personal involvement. Not sure abt the delivery.
This comment was originally posted on Twitter