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Look closely. That’s 5 litres of chablis for under $10! Chablis. Not.
I’m not quite sure how they get away with this. What gets me is how awful the food looks. Do I really want to buy the wine? No.
Do I want it to taste brilliant? Yes.
But because it looks so awful I can’t bring myself to do it. Call me a snob but it looks like the kind of food that Gordon Ramsay pukes up on his Kitchen Nightmares.
They say if you leave a monkey on a typewriter for long enough they will produce the works of Shakespeare.
Similarly if you leave a human being on a espresso machine for long enough and it will eventually produce a decent extraction. The problem is that there is no consistency.
Such is the case at Tre Bicchieri, which came highly recommended from the Rathdowne Cellars (highly recomended for Spanish wine and sherry) newsletter. I suppose they are neighbours on Rathdowne Street - what can you expect?.
The first problem with Tre Bicchieri is the cafe itself. The haughty staff give no indication that you have to physically get up and order from the counter. They are quite happy to leave you sitting there.
The second problem is the coffee. The full fat milk version arrived about ten minutes before the (no, I don’t approve) low fat.
The third is the over extraction of the coffee. Jak calls this tasting burnt. What it means is that either the group is too hot, filled with too much coffee, left to extract the flavour for too long or a permutation of all three. The aftertaste was really nasty and I have now resolved to return all overextracted coffee as I should have done on this day.
While I’m at this I may as well keep kicking - I don’t reackon Tre Bicchieri’s custard filled pastries. They are far to sickly sweet.
Bugger! Just as I decide to drink the menu at 1806 in the city I decide to join the Febfast challenge as part of my frugal February.
The idea is that give give up booze for a whole month and people - you perhaps - sponsor me with the money going to a good cause which will also probably help save somebody else’s liver or sanity*.
“Participants are sponsored by friends and family, with funds distributed to organisations that support young people struggling with substance use.”
I’m not doing this because I’m an alcoholic. But I do drink too much too often and everybody needs a little bit of time off the grog. I will possibly be buying one $15 leave pass for a good friend’s party. But then again I may not (unless she sponsors me).
I’m aiming to raise a modest $200 and can be sponsored here.
*40% of the funds will be distributed to YSAS Pty. Ltd. (the Youth Substance Abuse Service). YSAS is the largest provider of alcohol and other drug services to young people in Victoria.
10% of the funds will be distributed to the Australian Drug Foundation for education purposes.
The remaining funds will be distributed by the FebFast Gift Fund Management Committee to the Australian Alcohol and Other Drugs sector, based on grant applications that are received from individual organisations within the sector.
The really bad news is that the posse is falling apart. My favourite pole dancer is leaving town. I can only console myself with her leaving celebrations on Sunday, possibly followed by a return to 1806, a classy new arrival on the bar scene despite its Dracula theatre restaurant and backpacker bar roots.
I’ve been challenged to drink the menu at 1806 by the posse.
Draped in red velvet and with what I presume are crystal chandeliers it pays homage to the year the cocktail was defined, 1806 and takes its evolution forward to the present.
The original 1806 cocktail is the Bittered Sling, which comes in a glass which approximates in shape to Marie Antoinettes breast which by today’s standards is quite small but tastes very good. (I didn’t say that very weel - I meant the coktail tastes very good andcanot comment of the breasts or royalty) The posse last week tried a refreshing Raspberry Fizz and creamy Angels Milk.
Anyway, they are egging me on to drink the whole menu from start to finish. All I want to do is slump back into the comfortable sofa and read the bar menu which takes one on an entertaining but boozy journey forward to the present from 1806.
“It’ll make a great series of blog posts they say,” envisioning me being able to conjure the magic that Fraser Lewry provides with his Animal Alphabet.
In reality my liver won’t stand it. I probably can’t afford the dry cleaning. And I certainly can’t afford the bar bill.
But Sunday night I’ll be there attempting the Mint Julep from 1816 and possibly the Rum Shrub from 1826. That will leave 182 years which thankfully is only 33 drinks, 31 if I count what the posse drank the other night.
The brains behind the booze Sebastian Raeburn promises some new molecular mixology, which could set me back a few drinks.
Will anyone out there help me?
Check out locally made craft brews at Federation Square. This is an opportunity to meet the brewers and discover the secrets of the state’s great beers. Try not to get bladdered, please.
“Gin, the drink that once seemed terminally unfashionable, is undergoing a revival and is once again the darling of cocktail aficionados.”
Dorothy Parker:
“I love to drink martinis,
Two at the very most
After three I’m under the table
After four I’m under my host”
With the arrival in Australia of Hendrick’s a few months back it looks like there could be a gin resurgence coming, perhaps to rival vodka. A while ago my post on my top ten gins was popular so I thought it may be worth voting upon. I suspect people are much more passionate about gin rather than vodka because the taste is so complex. With vodka the choice is really about the purity you are prepared to pay for.
For the record I’m told that locally Hendrick’s is available from The Prince Winestore, The Wigs Cellar and from Dan Murphy’s and Vintage Cellars from this month.
This place is only 5km from my front door by foot. But it is hard to find. Walk down Clarendon Street and turn first right after Market St. I know you are worried about ducking down a dark alley in South Melbourne. With its proximity to the Crown Casino this is brothel territory where winners celebrate (so the legend goes).
But fear not. Down the alley on the left is a small non-descript warehouse with a roller door. The only sign of life is a small lit sign above a door. Welcome to the Emerald Hill Brewery (20 Ross Street, South Melbourne, Vic 3205 +61 3 9696-5491). And it is my entry to the Session#4 local brews meme hosted this week by Gastronomic Fight Club.
Bushy beards aren’t mandatory here although there are a few hanging around. We arrive at 5.30pm and there are only a handful of people sampling the two award winning beers on tap, a pale ale and a wheat beer. Soon the places fills up with women as well as men.
In the far corner are four large stainless steel containers. Near the rollerdoor an old sofa and there are some stools and small tables attached to the wall. This is a deconstructed pub in all its perfection. Plain brick walls, beer brewed on the premises. It’s about quality, not quantity although A$5 pints are very attractive.
Apparently, a batch of stout is on it’s way which is welcome for what looks like being a cold southern winter.
Our only gripe with this place is the name.
While Australia is famous for producing a popular abomination known as Fosters nobody really drinks the sweet fizzy brew here. Most people drink VB – Victoria Bitter – or the real hard nuts Melbourne Bitter.
My mates reckon the Emerald hill Brewery should produce South Melbourne bitter. Something for the simple beer nuts.
