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The headline would make a pithy review. Mean, funny and tempting.
But it would be an injustice to my readers and perhaps the restaurant. The food at C’est Bon
in Port melbourne is okay. And because of a recent update the text from this post has dissapeared.
My main problem ws getting hold of a spoon for the boullabaise in what i think was a fairly boring restaurant.

Popularity: 11% [?]

The first time I visited The Swallows (192 Station Street, Port Melbourne) this year my giant steak was raw in the middle. Poor buggers, I was reviewing for The Age Good Food Guide. The steak was so large that I didn’t bother to have it reheated. Besides I was about a third of the way through when I discovered this. The service was great that night though.

It was with trepidation that I returned to this pub on Friday night. I needn’t have worried about the steak. I ordered a smaller one that was pink inside. As a steak it was okay, but nothing too special.

Or perhaps I was feeling negative as a crucial ingredient was missing: red wine. We ordered a bottle. Our mains arrive and I sat there for five minutes awaiting the wine. We were then told it was out of stock. We then order something else - a magnum, which was a mistake. It arrives shortly after our plates our cleared away.

Luckily we knew some people on the table next door who lent us some wine for our last bite of steak.

Food Fascist

1. If you are going to serve steak the bloke in the kitchen should know how to cook it.

2. Waiters should be aware of what is happening on a table. If the table has no wine and the food starts arriving something should happen. Pronto!

3. Why the hell do I return to these places and waste my money? It was a mate’s idea.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Photography: Christina Simons
How to kill a lobster for sashimi with nothing but a sharp stick. From a restaurant on a wharf in Port Melbourne. Should we be talking to the RSPCA? Or should we be whizzing down there to scoff it up?

Popularity: 6% [?]