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This is, as Joe Strummer said, a public service announcement and it may “Rock the Casbah” a bit.

The idea of Very Cheap Eats (Email me as gastrotomATgmailDOTcom if you’d like to become a reviewer) is to provide a guide to the best cheap food in Australian in the sort of places you’d actually choose to go out and spend an hour or so eating in. It is about meals of at least two courses costing less than $20 (or roundabouts) excluding beverages.

It is not about takeaways and food courts. I’m happy to keep existing posts up but i just wanted to clarify this as it is important to stay true to the Very Cheap Eats vision.

The idea was bourn out of frustration of the existing guidebooks by AOF over at Confessions of Food Nazi. The Cheap Eats Guide some years ago lost the plot with even its price guide of $30 being fairly meaningless.

The Friday before the latest edition was published I ate at Cheap Eats Restaurant of the Year Rumi up at the far end of Lygon St. Aside from a couple of greasy stuffed fingers of pastry the food was pretty good. The service was excellent and they even went to the trouble of making a special iced tea for me (I was participating in the alcohol free charity event) that was off menu.

I enjoyed the meal immensely despite having ordered too much. The fit out of the restaurant is delightful and the ambiance alluring (apart from one very loud woman nearby).

But it cost about $80 for two. It was an incredibly good value meal. But it was not a Cheap Eat.

Both Cheap Eats and The Good Food Guide give a very comprehensive coverage of Melbourne. But they have incrementally added so many features and seem to want to add more restaurants to their pages to bust the magic number of 500. This is the publishers chasing the dollar rather than serving the reader. They should each focus on what really are the best cheapest and simply the best eats of all.

When AOF posted this I quickly registered a blogger account and a domain because this blog Very Cheap eats is such a good idea. As far as I am concerned it is a community project and anybody can join (we have space for 100 contributors).

But AOF and I feel there should be some strict guidelines to ensure we don’t go down the Cheap eats route and lose the plot.

I’ve also given some guidelines to what should be covered to give a comprehensive review. I know this means a bit more work and observation but it also makes Very Cheap Eats a much better resource if you<span style=”font-weight:bold;”> try and cover the items below</span>.

THE RULES AND REVIEWING GUIDELINES

1.The venue
It should be a sit down venue where you can enjoy two courses and a beverage of under $20 from ordering pretty much anything on the menu. If it’s a few dollars over that’s not too much of a problem. It could be a particular day of the week where the food is cheap. For instance, I must post about the Sunday Lunch at Madras Banyan Tree where the only option is a vegetarian banquet for about $20 plus drinks. Any other time and it would cost more to eat there but i think Sunday is within the spirit of Very Cheap Eats.

The location doesn’t matter. It can be anywhere in the world. <span style=”font-weight:bold;”>It can be anywhere in the world. Please include the name (linked to website if there is one), address and telephone number at the top of the post.</span>
2. Double posting.
Yes, you can double posts and link back to your blog as I have on Very Cheap Eats. It would also be nice to point to Very Cheap Eats to help build readership.

3. The food and ingredients
Is the food fresh and presented well? Does it taste good or inferior. Are the portions large or small? Don’t be scared to give your opinion.

4. Drinks
What did you drink? Does it serve coffee, tea, wine beer or anything else? How much do they cost?

5. Service
Is it self service or table service? Are the waiters attentive or lazy? Was service slow or quick or did they keep bringing you the wrong thing?

6. Money
How much did each thing you ate cost and do you think it was worth the money? Remember, broadly speaking you should be able to buy a meal of two courses for around $20 excluding drinks

What would be really useful for readers is to give the minimum and maximum prices for starters, mains and desserts and the price of coffee.

7. Ambience
This is important as we want to review proper cafes and restaurants that you would want to go out and eat in at night. We don’t want takeaway stores. Is it a place you’d want to spend time in or is it a horrible strip lit tiled room? The reader needs to know.

8. The best and worst of the venues
try and identify what you think is the best and the worst of the venue. Perhaps it is the horrible loos or the rude service. the reader wants to know. be ballsy and show some opinions because that’s what readers want. Don’t be frightened of opinion.

Popularity: 18% [?]

There are no sharks in bondage kit. But there is something very Damien Hirst about the salumi (that’s Italian for cured meat) counter. It’s about chopped-up (and cured) bits of animal in a display case. Perhaps it is the backdrop of the curtain drawn across one of the five tiled dining areas in Giuseppe, Arnaldo & Sons that makes it look that way.

The last time I saw something similar was a cow at the now closed Saatchi Gallery on London’s Southbank. And there was the display case chic at Quo Vadis, a short lived Hirst partnership with Marco Pierre White.

If you haven’t heard about this joint you should. It’s from the Maurice Terzini camp, he who started Caffé e Cucina before moving on to (not neccessarily in correct order), Il Bacaro, Melbourne Wine Room, Otto, Icebergs and that other little tratt in Bondi.

Chef Robert Marchetti is having the salumi cured to his specifications in Lismore in northern New South Wales. It is very good and very tasty. For $12 you get five of the thinnest slices of prosciutto cut on the special hand operated slicer, one that transports the meat across the blade rather than the other way around.

We arrived at around 11.30pm and the kitchen was not serving from the main menu. At one point it looked like we were to be turned away but manager Ari Vlassopoulos, who I met when I scoped out the restaurant pre-opening, recognised me.

What we could order was hardly slumming it. Baccala Fritto - salt cod balls, crab sandwiches (too rich for the Martini Monster who has a flabby pancreas), three year old Rocco Reggiano.
What I really like is the wines served by the carafe from $16 to $22 for a half litre which is brilliant at a time when it is difficult to find anything to drink at under $40 in other joints of this quality.

There are no tablecloths and the knives, forks and condements are stacked in stainless steel bins on the tables.

The room itself is divided into five, each faced with a slightly different hand-made tile of Sicily. Outside the same effect is used for a long narrow smoking area which has the feel of a Neopolitan bus station. What the Roman designers, Lazzarini Pickering Architetti, have done is clever. I didn’t think they would pull it off with the tiles without making it look like the inside of a men’s lavatory. But they did.

At this point the Martini Monster launches into Entourage. Our Ari (I think) is in earshot as she discusses the other Ari (played by Jeremy Piven), the usual expletives and specifically cunt (I can’t believe I didn’t ** that out) muscle. I’m not sure we got away with it.

But it probably doesn’t matter because with it’s hard edges I’d imagine nobody would be able to hear us on a normal night.

I’m not a natural fan of the casino, but the presence of its new batch of high end restaurants including Rockpool and Nobu is growing on me. I like Terzini’s new millenium Roman tratt. And I like the styling of the waiters in their white coats (apart from mangement who wear black) and Converse trainers.

And I guess like with Damien Hirst styling is the key word. This is a designer place that sits on the reputation of Terzini. For now the prices look like excellent value with pasta dishes in the low $20 range. I want to go back for more but the fact that you can’t book a table may stop me. But I’ll try while the prices stay low.

For tomorrow though I have a table booked at Bistro Guillaume. Sure, I try and live on the edge with the Martini Monster. But I do like some certainty.

Food Fascist

Coming soon: Food & Wine Daily - a site in development. Let me know what you think.

Already here: Very Cheap Eats. Let me know if you’d like to join.

Jack beat me to blog GAS.

Popularity: 35% [?]

Smile, you’re on bloggers’ camera: (l to r) Purple Goddess, Vida and Stickyfingers.

What is the Bloggers’ Banquet?

Just an opportunity to meet up, eat and chat. That’s not to forget take photos, blog, post to flickr and all that other social stuff. Nothing hard. V1.0 was back in November. V2.0 will be held Saturday 5 April from 12.30 onwards  in Dromana hosted by the Purple Goddess. Good food, drink and conversation are assured.

Wow! That’s a long way to go.

Yes, but can pitch your tent or simply pass out on the lawn.

Who is it open to?

Any bona fide blogger. No stalkers or trolls please. Email the Purple Goddess. Details are here.

What do I need to bring?

Everything. Food, drink, fags, toothbrush, clean panties - the lot. (I’ve no idea about the bog roll)

How do I get there?

Email the Purple Goddess and she shall tell.

I don’t know anybody. is it still okay?
Yes. Nobody bites apart from me and I have to be at a wedding somewhere else. This blogging lark is not exclusive and open to absolutely anybody with a blog however small or large. Come along.

Popularity: 20% [?]